


Mind Healers are Hard to Come By

by MokiKaitlyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: And mostly by cuddling, Angst, Dealing With Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hera Syndulla Needs A Hug, I love these two nerds, Kanan being a good husband, Post-Episode: s03e03 The Holocrons of Fate, but the archive warning still applies, by talking, literally just talking, no one actually gets raped, so does kanan, talking about our feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28822872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MokiKaitlyn/pseuds/MokiKaitlyn
Summary: Kanan and Hera have a conversation after Maul takes them captive.Set right after the events of "the Holocrons of Fate."
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	Mind Healers are Hard to Come By

**Author's Note:**

> There is no literal sexual assault in this, but the analogy is close, and that is why we have trigger warnings. Take care of yourselves <3

“Kanan, will you come here a minute?”

Kanan heard her behind him as he walked to the common space with the kids.

They had escaped Maul, all of them, relatively unscarred. He had not lost his padawan, and he seemed not to have even fell victim to the “secret” that Bendu warned him not to see, though Kanan intended to make sure of that. Not tonight though. They all needed a breather, and for the moment, they were all safe, physically intact, and untraceable in hyperspace. But something was bothering Hera. He turned to face her.

She was...trembling. Hera Syndulla was genuinely afraid.

Maybe they had not come out quite as intact as he originally assessed.

He took a step towards her and she turned to walk into their quarters. He reached out to make sure the kids would be ok without them and followed her.

Once in their room, her guard down, grief, fear, and confusion crashed in, rolling off Hera in waves. Kanan reached for her and took her shoulders as though to rescue her from drowning, but at his touch she straightened up and pulled back. The waves were reigned back into large ripples with a choking sob.

“I’m—I’m okay,” she said when she’d pulled away.

“Hera...”

She walked back and sat on the bed. He waited for her invitation to follow, which she gave, and he sat beside her, still giving her space. They sat in silence, Kanan listening to her carefully, Hera still silent, both in herself and in the force. She was fidgety.

After a moment of back and forth between the patient listener and the silent center of his attention, she gathered herself enough to speak.

“Kanan, can you take your mask off?”

He did, and she took it from him and set it behind her. Her left hand lingered on his right, and her right hand soon returned to his left. His hands were much warmer than hers.

Kanan was a patient man. He did not press her, he knew she would tell him what she wanted to in time. He knew also that she was also a patient and a stubborn woman. She would come around in time, and he would still be sitting beside her to listen.

Her breathing hitched. He was perhaps not that patient.

“Hera, please,” he said, squeezing her hands. “What happened?”

She took a deeper, steadying breath, but it trembled. He let go of her hand to force-pull a tissue from the bed table to him and gave it to her to wipe her tears with. The next steadying breath was steadier. Finally she spoke.

“Kanan, what is a Jedi mind trick?”

Not exactly what he was expecting.

“Um, well, it’s a, suggestion in the force. It just sort of...gently pushes a mind in the direction you want it to go.”

“How does it work?” she asked without inflection.

“Well. Most people’s thoughts make a sort of impression in the force, and you just sort of, bend that impression. You can only really suggest something they might have thought anyway, and really only in ways that sort of...push the thought towards the light. So when we sneak past a stormtrooper and tell him that we’re just normal refugees, I’m just telling him what he already thinks. We are just refugee couple #802 that he’s counted that day and are no more likely to be rebels than the last 800 couples were. Plus, to ignore us is an answer that is more...gentle at least than his other options. So I make a suggestion he already thought and sort of give him a push in a peaceful direction.”

She nodded. “So you couldn’t tell him to, say, shoot himself in the head.”

Kanan raised his eyebrows. That was a bit dark even for Hera.

“No I could not.”

“Could a darksider do that?”

...

 _Sweet force_.

“What did he do to you?”

“Please, Kanan?”

He watched her for a long moment. She didn’t seem on the verge of collapse, but then she was Hera, if she had collapsed they would probably all be dead. He carried on with his explanation.

“I’ve heard that the dark side can do strange things to the people who use it, and they used to tell us that people held captive by the sith often went insane. They were said to be incredibly good at converting people to their side, force wielder or not, and that those who resisted did not always survive.”

She still hadn’t moved. So he kept talking.

“A year or two into the clone wars the masters at the temple started pushing mental shielding techniques to us, telling us that a mind strong in the force and at peace could resist their assaults. I don’t know if this was to console us or if it worked. We lost a lot of people because they turned to the dark side, but others were captured and held and yet lived to fight apparently completely sane, though they drove the council crazy. There were rumors that the sith could make anyone talk, that they could see your thoughts if they could see your eyes, or... yeah. That they could drive people to suicide. I don’t know how true any of these rumors were though. They were all told by scared padawans, most of whom had never met a sith.”

She was still quiet, and had not reacted except to draw herself slightly more into a ball.

“Will you tell me, Hera? I don’t know much about the dark side, but I do know you.”

He waited still. Her left hand in his right, his left hand waiting.

“Can I hold you?”

She nodded.

Keeping her hand in his, he shifted around behind her, making her uncurl herself just enough to admit her own arm and their clasped hands. Then he pulled her whole weight over his legs so that she sat beside him, nestled into his left side, her legs over his lap. She tucked her head into his neck and found his left hand with her right.

He held her there, close beside him on the bed, for several minutes, while her irregular breath and staggering peals of fear subsided and steadied, each heavy wave calming against Kanan’s steady breath.

“Hera,” he mumbled into her head wrap, “my beautiful, invincible Hera, whatever that lousy piece of bantha shit did to you I swear I will end him and the entire line of the sith for you, Jedi code be damned.”

She laughed, though a little wetly, and he smiled and kissed the top of her lekku.

“You’re the one he blinded dear, I feel like I have priority in the right to revenge.”

“What, I can’t avenge my own eyesight?” he said, taking advantage of the momentary lightheartedness to remove the abundance of weapons he still had attached to himself.

“Maybe if you could see, but as you can’t I think I get to on your behalf. Plus it’s me he did his sith witchery on. I think I get to get revenge for the both of us.”

He froze up as he was setting his blaster on the floor, stretched in an awkward position so as not to let go of her hand. He sat up much more slowly.

“He did what?” he asked, in a voice that the people who knew him knew was dangerous.

“I don’t really know,” she admitted, shrinking smaller in his arms. He pulled her closer.

“He was asking me questions about you, here in this room, and it was like he was pushing me up against the wall, even though he was only touching my arm. And suddenly he was saying things about you that he couldn’t have known, like how you got your holocron, and—“ she hiccuped. “He even knew your name.”

She looked up at him, and Kanan was almost glad he couldn’t see her big green eyes wet with tears and fear and guilt. He squeezed her hands gently.

“I’m sorry, Kanan, I don’t know how, it was like he had just opened up my head and rifled through it, it _hurt_ and I couldn’t stop him—“

He pulled his hand out of hers and brought it up to cup her cheek, and he pressed his forehead to hers. “Shhh,” he said, trying to project peace in the force. He moved to press his left cheek to her right and whisper in her ear.

“Hera it’s okay. It’s not your fault you couldn’t stop him.”

“But Kanan I didn’t have to let him, I shouldn’t have let him be alone with me, but he was threatening Sabine—“

“I know, it’s okay. You didn’t know. It’s not that big a deal either. A Jedi shouldn’t be afraid of the truth.”

She buried her face in his shoulder and he pulled her closer, rubbing her back gently.

“I don’t know what all he took or what he could see. It’s like he pried my head open. He just rooted through me, took what he wanted, and left. I don’t even know if he left everything intact. I don’t know what that means.”

Kanan pulled back slightly so she could look at him.

“Do you want me to take a look?”

She hesitated. For Kanan, communicating with his stubborn, self-reliant, and introverted wife was a lot harder when he couldn’t read all of her micro expressions.They were both always intentional about communicating clearly with each other, and she generally managed to leave herself open to him in the force, despite not being a force wielder, but that was not always consistent. Sometimes she closed it off and didn’t know. It had caused problems before. Now he wished he could see what kind of hesitation this was.

“I’m not a mind-healer by any stretch, but if you let me I can try looking around your mind. I’ve done it before, though mostly with other Jedi, but I know you better than any Jedi.”

She rubbed a thoughtful circle on his hand with her thumb.

“You’ve done it before?”

“Yeah. Ezra and I do it all the time. It’s a normal part of Jedi training, usually in the context of meditating together.”

“Will it...” she hesitated again. “Will it feel like when...when he did it?”

He frowned. He hadn’t considered that.

“I don’t... _think_ so. A sith breaking into your head with the dark side and me seeing you with your permission _should_ be completely different. Like the difference between someone breaking into your house and torching it and you inviting a friend over for dinner.”

He was definitely gonna do some revenge taking on Maul. He was starting to get a grasp on what he’d done and he did not like it one bit.

She still hadn’t answered. He _really_ wished he could see her face.

“I don’t have to. Or I could do it later. It’s just a suggestion if you think it’ll help.”

“I want you to,” she said. He stopped talking.

“Let me get some water first.”

She got up and left, and Kanan let her go. She came back less than three minutes later to Kanan meditating on the bed, now with his boots off. She sat down across from him, also cross-legged. He smiled.

“So I want you to find a way to be calm and at peace,” he said. “However relative, whatever grounds you, just find some way to make your mind be still.”

He waited while she thought. After a moment she got off the bed and also took her boots off, along with her goggles, belt, and pilot’s harness. Then she sat back on the bed.

She thought longer, and Kanan didn’t interrupt. Finally she seemed to think of something.

“Do I have to be sitting like you are?”

“No,” he said without opening his eyes. “You can be however you like.”

After a moment he was surprised to feel the weight of her head in his lap. She settled down on her back with her knees bent to fit in the bed. Kanan smiled.

“Are you ready, my love?”

“Yes.”

In one way, it was very much like meditating with Ezra was at the beginning, in that this was a person who didn’t know what they were doing or how to open themselves to another in the force, and Kanan had to do most of the work of the relationship. In every other way of course it was nothing like meditating with Ezra.

He knew her on the outside, and in certain ways could see through her or feel her in the force, and knew her as she opened her own thoughts up to him, but this was getting to see her from the inside out. He already knew generally what her mind looked like, but here he was getting to see it in person. She was incredible. Immediately he found the scars Maul had left.

“Wow,” he said out loud. “It’s like someone let an angry Dug loose in here with a lightsaber.”

She laughed in a morbid sort of way.

“Is that from Maul or is that just me?”

He frowned at her. “It’s definitely Maul. You’re much too organized for this.”

She was a very organized woman, and her head was marked by that same easy cleanliness and unflappable calm that her ship was. So the wide swath of overturned furniture, mangled insides, and broad scorch marks stuck out like a hairless bantha.

The darkness, of course, had not subsumed her. It left its scars, but there was no trace of the poison that had made them. The captain would not allow that, and Kanan found himself deeply proud of her. Here were the scars of a battle well fought, even if she had lost. The damage was contained, and she was okay. Nothing of her enemy was left in her space. This woman was incredible, and still managed to take his breath away. He hadn’t seen her this well since before he’d been blinded. Now he could see her like she saw her self. And holy chssk she _hurt_.

Just as he’d been taught to do when he was in pain, and just like he did for Ezra, he reached for the pain and pulled it out to release it into the force. Unlike Ezra’s sufferings, which were usually old sufferings that had tied themselves into hard knots, Hera’s fresh wounds burned him like fire as he pulled. How was she still standing?

He felt hot tears on his cheeks.

He had no problem believing now that the sith mind tricks often left people insane; he didn’t know that he could have come back from what Hera had contained to a little corner of her intellect that would heal.

He felt a tear fall off his cheek and land on Hera’s. Her hand came up to wipe his away and he sniffled.

“You can stop if you want, Kanan.”

Kanan had no idea how to fix this. He did not know how to help her heal or how to tell her what had been taken. She was so lovely and strong and deserved so much better. If only he hadn’t taken so long with those damned spiders—

Hera twisted and sat up, catching his face in her hands. She kissed him just under both of his eyes and pulled him to her to hold his head to her chest.

“Shhh it’s okay Kanan. I’m here, I’m safe. You got me, you saved me. I’ll be alright.”

He laughed through his tears and wrapped his arms around her.

“You’re incredible, you know that right?”

She managed to reach another tissue without letting him go and handed it to him.

“So you and Ezra keep telling me.”

“I’m so sorry Hera—“

“Dont. I’ll be okay. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Neither do you,” he said, looking up at her suddenly, and then sitting up so that he was taller than her again. He had to stop to blow his nose then.

“He broke in and ransacked the place, but you’re so wonderful and strong and he could hardly touch anything there. How he managed to find anything he was looking for I don’t know, but I’m glad he did. If he had had to look much harder for what he wanted he might have actually driven you crazy. But as it is all he got is some useless facts about me, and honestly I’m flattered that I’m the first thing on your mind.”

She sank back down into his arms so that he couldn’t see her face, which he couldn’t anyway, but she needed the illusion of privacy. He held her tighter.

Do you know if he got anything else?” she asked him after a while.

He shook his head. “I don’t. I never took more than one class in actual mind healing.”

“Can I stop it next time?”

He rubbed her back.

“I don’t know that either. You have good mental shielding for a non-force-wielder, but I don’t know that anyone’s shields would stand up to an assault like that. Do you...” He pondered how to ask the question for a moment.

“Do you know what happened after he got what he wanted?”

She shook her head, rubbing it on his shirt.

“No. One minute he was talking to me, saying stuff he shouldn’t know, and getting way too close to my face, and next I woke up in binders on the floor with a headache that still hasn’t gone away.”

He rubbed the back of her head.

“Do you think it will heal on its own?” she asked him after a minute.

“You mean without a mind healer?” He leaned back against the wall, still idly rubbing her head. “I don’t know, but I would think so. It’s not as though we are likely to get a mind healer, and certainly not one who understands force injuries. But it doesn’t look very different from other trauma wounds. It might be like healing a broken bone without ever using more than a splint and my first aid skills, but it should be possible. Comes with some similar risks.”

She nodded and fell back against the wall with him.

“Your first aid skills haven’t failed me yet.”

They sat there, holding each other in silence, for many long minutes, until Kanan felt Hera’s breathing even out to a slow rhythm. He smirked.

“Are falling asleep my love?”

She hummed.

“Are you sure you want to sleep in those pants?”

“More comfortable than your three day old shirt.”

“How do you know it’s been three days?”

“I know how you smell, dear.”

She made no movement to remove her face from his shirt.

“Speaking of my first aid skills, how’s that rib doing?”

She snaked her arms around his torso and straightened out in a nearer approximation of laying down, apparently with the intent to settle in for the night like that. Kanan did not give in. They weren’t finished.

“Commander sato had a rebel medic look at it. They said it was fine, but not to do any heavy lifting for the next week or so. You were right that it hadn’t fractured.”

He hummed, running his hand over her back looking for other injuries.

“Any physical injuries I should be aware of?”

“It’s mostly scrapes and bruises. Maybe a very mild concussion but I think it’s fine. This lekku hurts if you push on it,” she said, twitching the one further from him.

“Yeah it’s a little swollen. You should ice it.”

“I want to go to bed, Kanan."

“I thought you wanted me to shower first?” he asked, sneaking a hand over her head.

“You can shower in the morning. The sheets need washing anyway. And no more healing magic, you’re tired too.”

He put the hand back down.

Suddenly she sat up and pinned him to the wall, catching him by surprise and making, (he knew), her I-will-have-a-straight-answer-from-you-my-squirrely-family-member face.

“What exactly,” she said, closer than necessary to his face, “did Darth Sithface do to _you_ , my dear husband?”

Kanan grinned innocently.

“Threw me out the airlock.”

“ _What_?”

“I got back in. No frostbite even, see?” He wiggled his fingers.

She sat back on his legs, probably looking him over.

“How in the nine kriffing hells...”

“I pulled myself through the hangar forcefield and ran to your rescue.”

“Are you...are you okay?!”

“I think so,” he said, folding his hands behind his head. “Still a little dizzy, but meditating with you helped that. And nothing feels frozen. Do you wanna check?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

“Put some pajamas on,” she said, getting off of him and pushing him gently off the bed.

He complied. His clothes were a bit smelly. He put his mask, weapons, and boots away, and put his and Hera’s clothes both in the laundry basket. When he got back in bed she was already curled up under the covers, staring blankly into space. He laid down gingerly next to her, careful not to touch her again without permission.

“What’s hurting you, Hera?”

“What if he’d wanted rebel information? I had no way to resist that. He could learn anything he wanted from me.”

“He didn’t though. All you gave him is some old secrets I would have had to deal with eventually anyway. And because he got them from you, he didn’t touch Sabine and Zeb.”

“You should make sure of that,” she said.

“I will. But they seem at least fine. You did your best, and it did turn out okay.”

“But what about next time? I can’t keep anything secret from him.”

He thought. “Well. We always did know that hypothetically anyone can break. We’ve just proved that’s not a hypothetical. So we will keep our secrets, which we have been doing well, and we’ll remember not to leave him alone with random crew members in the future.”

She laughed dryly and stopped quickly before retreating back into silence. He itched to hold her again but said nothing. Patience is the way of the Jedi.

“Kanan, I am sorry I told.”

“Don’t be. It wasn’t your fault some dick of a washed up Sith Lord assaulted you. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

She nodded. He waited.

“Will you come here so I can hold you?” he said.

She did. He put his arms around her so she could lay her head back on his chest again, and she snuggled in. He kissed her bruised lekku and pulled the covers over them both.

She was quiet in the force now, the fear and pain having broken, soft exhaustion taking their place. She would be okay. He would help, and they would recover together as a family. And sure, next time he saw Maul he would give that son of an exogorth a piece of his mind, preferably via lightsaber, but he knew Hera could hold her own. They would be okay.

“I love you, you know,” he said when they’d finally both started to drift off.

“I know.”


End file.
